RIP Jerry.

I hardly knew ye, but I'm glad I did. It's clear you touched the lives of many.

Three years ago you were invited to a New Year's Party (well, you the reader, not you, Jerry...)

I am slowly going crazy
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 switch
Crazy going slowly am I
6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 switch

There are so many things I haven't thought of in so long. Things weren't all bad.

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I need to appreciate the things I have rather than focusing on what I don't. I always want what I don't have. I want everything. By training to get it all, I neglect what I already have. I have so many things to be happy about, but instead I look for more things to complain about.

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You don't know a person based on reputation. If you think you do, you're a fucking moron. I'm not implying there aren't reasons for said reputations. I'm saying you can't know a person unless you know them. It seems like an obvious fact, but I could've sworn I heard otherwise recently.

That goes for blogs too. (D'uh). You don't know me simply because you read this. God that would be awful if my life was only the dull but melodramatic shit that's here. It's funny that people take me so seriously when I like to exaggerate. It reminds me of the drama queen I was 10 to 12 years ago. It was usually a performance. I wasn't that much of a nut. I've been slowly going crazy for a long time.

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Go ahead and keep avoiding them. I'll keep the weirdos for myself. They're better people anyway.

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Happy Birthday Uber!

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Last year's post was one of those "Uh-oh" ones. Stupid December.

Well, I'm nearly out of time. I'm been rationing my internet use to 30 minutes a day at the cafe. But, that really only gives me time to check my email and respond to a few. I need to get back to putting those packages together. They need to be mailed as soon as possible. I still haven't even sent out Thank You cards for the wedding (and never mind on the wedding announcements I was going to send to the people we didn't send invitations to). Christmas stresses me out far too much. What could've been a nice day designing a card with the hubby was an anxiety fest with me driving him crazy. I need to relax. I need to stop waking up in such a bad mood. But today was different. The pain. Oh the pain.

An album should be getting mastered today. I probably wasn't supposed to say that.

Happy birthday Mish. I still love you even though we don't talk and you don't even read (or know about, that I know of) this.

Last year, I wrote of my first taco Bell experience. As far as I can remember, there's only been one since, and that was late after a show in Hamilton and it was the first thing open we saw. Since we were with Andrew, I suppose we were working on the demos then...

I'm making myself sick these days. I'm 'doing much better now' than a few months ago. I'm not depressed. I'm learning to use my sewing machine and finally getting through the pile of stuff I've been collecting for years to alter. I'm on a waiting list. It might be safe to say I'm making friends with Piggy. That girl is a hard one to crack.

But I'm nowhere near where I wish I was.

I've been trying to quit smoking since September. I've been flirting with it for years, but for the last few months, I've actually wanted to quit. Most of the time. Or at least, that's what I tell myself. I'm still not really trying.

I'm getting in horrible shape. I've always been in pretty bad shape. It didn't seem like so much of a problem, because I was so small, but physical exertion puts me out of breath. I'm fairly sedentary. Especially now that I no longer walk to the store and around it all day six times a week.

I sit in a van. I sit in the living room. So, I keep telling myself I'll start working out or something; look into joining a gym. Nope.

Well, at least I'll get up earlier tomorrow and adjust my sleep schedule. Still nope. Hitting snooze gives me nightmares and I wake up pissed.

What's making me sick is obsessing over it. Spending far too much time thinking about myself. Analyzing every action in retrospect to learn from it. It's time to act.

Last year, I wrote to all of the people I've met and left. I lose touch with everyone that is not immediately involved with my life. Another one of those things that are easy to fix, but I do not act.

I want to write. But never when I have the opportunity. Degrassi's on.

Two years ago I posted lyrics to a song by a guy who, just a few months ago, I watched perform from my front step.