Jeez, Karl, your butt stinks, gross
I can smell it from my house
oh oh
Stay away from me

I've actually finally met the guy. I was thinking, 7 years after being introduced to Liverpool, that he was just one of those legends I'd never meet. I sure knew his little brother, though. But, I met him this weekend. I even shook his hand. It makes sense that he was at the wedding as a friend of the couple. Mark's now a Christian and none (NONE, except for his "brothers") of his old friends were invited, and Karl's going to school to become a minister.

But this isn't a Karl post, it's a wedding post.

Friday, we left as soon as I got off work. We ended up late for the rehearsal dinner, which was at Lane's in a private room. Everyone kept leaving to go to the washroom, and finally I said to KC, "isn't there a bathroom in here?" and I pointed to the door. No one believed me. I only the one who goes and gets drunk at Lane's every time I'm in town. I remember when they were renovating and that bathroom in that room was the only bathroom. Oh well. They can go out in the hall and piss with the bar goers if they want.

I got a compliment on my hair. Even though she told me the colour was perfect the last time she saw me, and I dyed it this mousy, almost green looking brown since then, she said "oh, and you know I love the colour." No. I knew you loved the last colour. She embarrassed me in front of the whole table when she freaked out that I had cut my own hair. I've been cutting my own hair for 4 or 5 years, save a few trips to a salon that are basically forced upon me and paid for by someone else, and she acted like it's the first time she's ever even heard of the idea.

The food was good. Caesar salad, roast beef, veggies, potatoes, and yorkshire pudding. I gave that doughy stuff to KC and enjoyed everything else. I was trying so hard to be polite, I didn't care that they had poured gravy (which I hate) all over my plate, or that it was roast beef in the first place. Someone at the table freaked out and asked if the cherries (in our dessert) were alcoholic. To which I thought to myself "did you tell them not to cook with alcohol? It is in some recipes."

Then we watched tv for awhile. it was nice to watch something as offensive as Chappelle's show in that living room. It feels like we're pushing boundaries or something. I didn't sleep well Friday night. I never do in those bunk beds.

She noticed my hand and gave me aloe vera gel to put on it. It really helped the burn heal, but I suspect that last weekend was when the infection began to kick in.

Saturday was the wedding day. The wedding was at 11:00 AM. Who the fuck gets married in the morning? It seemed just like a regular church service. It started at 11, ended around 12, and we had to stand and sit and sing and pray. During the prayers, where I wasn't closing my eyes, and barely even lowered my head, I made eye contact with the harpist, who was looking around. It felt nice to know he was there for the money. In fact, he seemed pretty casual about the whole thing. When he switched to flute for one song, he looked like he was winging the whole thing. I forget who many weddings he does a year, but it's a lot. 200 bucks for just a few hours' "work."

Selfish as I was, I found myself happy for the bride and groom.

I was pretty cranky at the reception. It was in the same room as Brian and Meaghan's reception, so I had something to compare it to. It was supposed to be nice and casual. No set tables. A buffet type thing. People can mingle around and eat. Too bad there were some tables, but not enough. Sitting in a chair looking out the window, I got pretty annoyed to spill on my expensive dress. Also, sitting there, the people walking around with hors d'oeuvres neglected to offer us any, so I didn't get to enjoy any spring rolls.

Most of the people we talked to asked when we were getting married. Even though we hadn't fully decided, KC started telling them a date. So, expect to hear about our wedding next year. Once, I heard his father say "we hope you'll be next." But, I know something the parents don't know--we'll be last. I got jealous and upset about that and tried not to cry. At least when people did see my tears during the speeches, they could think it was related to the speech or the happy couple.

After the reception, I watched tv for about 9 hours. I thought we would be heading back to the city, but it turns out Saturday night was Sheryl's Christmas. I have nothing against that, but I was pretty fucking pissed that I didn't know. No one knew. All 4 of us thought we were heading back, but the mommy-in-law assumed we would stay. She even said "no, you're NOT leaving. It's Sheryl's Christmas." They had an early one for me one year. It makes sense. She won't be here for the holiday. She's going to see her family. But I wish I had fucking known. I had made plans to go to a Christmas party, and I didn't have a gift, or even a measly fucking card, for dear Shey.

We played some of the upcoming Hold album for the parents. The response we got was much better than I had expected. They said we sounded like stuff they've heard on tv. They said with the last album, we sounded like a garage band, but with the new one, we sound like a real band. Then there was an insulting compliment. They were talking like they didn't know I was in the band, so Sheryl told them I was. The mom looks me right in the eye and says "oh, how did you learn that?" I don't think I responded. I didn't know what to say. How did I learn. Well, my parents bought me a bass 10 years ago. A friend showed me some stuff. I took lessons for a school year. I played along with cd's. I learned a set with Blue Dog, although I never played it with them. I played guitar in the Briefs for 2 years. I've jammed over the years with countless non-groups like the Standards, with Lav, Dockrill, Leah and Holly, and Youth Group with Alden and KC, and Dick Orange with Lavender and Windeyer, and Husband and Knife with my future husband. And finally, I've been playing bass with the Hold for a year and a half. How did I learn? The same fucking way your sons learned. But, I guess she didn't remember that I was in the band because she also said "now you have Crystal and a new drummer..." "No, I was always in the band, but I agree the new drummer has helped."

Blah. I let that shit bother me too much. (She wanted me to go to outpatients for my hand before heading back to the city. No wonder I started worrying myself about Flesh Eating disease.)

Sunday was rotten. When they went to church, I took the opportunity to cry and yell and hug KC about all the (little) things that were building up. He told me we were stopping in Mahone Bay for breakfast. I thought that would be nice and got ready to go. The mother made me eat something, I chose yogurt, and KC said "it's okay, we're stopping for breakfast." "No, you're NOT spending money when there's all this food here." Fuck. Maybe if she used different wording and tones I'd be alright with it, but I'll spend money if I want, you're NOT fucking telling me on what and when to spend it. Anyway, we didn't stop for breakfast, so I spent the trip starving and cranky. You know, the low blood sugar, I'm hungry, you told me we were stopping kind of cranky. More like right fucking pissed. We stopped at Pete's, couldn't handle it, and ate at Quizno's.

That night, was my staff party, and that's a whole other story.

PS-the second last time she saw me, she told me I was getting too skinny. But the dress I wore to the wedding fit well last year at my mom's wedding. This year I could hardly breathe. She shrugged it off when I told her.

Ths day last year, I also mentioned her and Lane's. I talked about the travelling salesman I met at the bar.