So last night was FAXE hands.

It was strange as the cans were being saran wrapped onto my hands. Does it make me a stingy bastard that I want to go pick up what's let of my package of saran wrap? I had kept my cans in the fridge all day, and a few minutes into the game, I couldn't feel my fingertips. The game wasn't as interesting as I had hoped, or maybe I just drank quickly enough to save peeing for after Round 1. It was fun trying to smoke, though. Leaning the cig in the ashtray, wrapping my lips around it and hauling. The tricky part was making the cigarette land back in the ashtray at a good angle. Then Emily finished hers, so she helped me smoke until I was done. I finished before KC, so I had the pleasure of helping him pee. It was weird, and I didn't aim properly at first. It's not my fault the bathroom smells like pee. Well, it probably is, considering I made KC pee all over the back of the toilet. I quickly saw my error, and re-aimed. Imagine, he goes to the bathroom, and I have to wash MY hands afterwards.

I'm not in the mood to list any more details. It was fun, and you should have been there, instead of relying on me to recount the deets. Plus, I, have holes in my memory. I didn't get to see Slitch at the Attic. Apparently, I couldn't even stand up, and the bouncer wouldn't let me in. He said to come back in a half an hour, so we went to Maxwell's Plum for some food and coffee. They kicked us out of Maxwell's, too, so we just walked home.

I helped people with their second round, and ended up drinking 3 or more cans of FAXE.

Other people's accounts of the night:
ger
alfred
emily

If you're interested, put faxe hands into Google and see what happens.

I think I'm gonna go enjoy some of this beautiful day.

Oh, the nice days in Halifaxe. Today is one of those days that I like in Halifaxe. It's nice enough out to enjoy walking around downtown. And I mean enjoy. In another couple months, it'll be too hot out and the streets will be swarming with tourists.

But it's a good thing I wasn't in a hurry to get anywhere. After I bumped into Anneka at the Second Cup (thanks for the coffee), it probably took me about a half an hour to get to Barrington Street. Ok, I can't blame it all on bumping into people; I did stop at the Black Market for a sec. I hadn't been in there for a year or so. I bought a pin; Eva's looked lonely. So, I thought I'd stop into Mary Jane's for the first time in about 2 years (remember when it was called Pipeline? I liked that name).

That's when I literally bumped into someone I hadn't seen since Grade 11.

Oh, uh, sorry... we both say at the same time.
"Hey. Is your name Crystal _____?" [I don't want this to come up in google. I'm the only person on the planet with my name]

Yeah.

"Oh, I'm Brad ______. Do you remember me?"

I sure do. Do you remember how you had a crush on me and then ended up back with your ex-girlfriend, and then I moved to Bedford and never saw you again? Maybe we'll see each other more now that you live on Brunswick Street. I actually didn't get a chance to say anything to him other than "yeah, I remember you" because Drock walked in and distracted me with Creep.

Blowers Street presented me with Andy and Greg. When I finally get to Barrington Street, I talk to Meghan a bit. I had been friends with her since Grade 5 and when I started smoking in Grade 11, she gave me the silent treatment for a week. She saw my new pin. She laughed and told me I was crazy. I see her downtown every summer and we have nice little chats.

Finally, I made it to CD Plus to give them some Hold cd's.

As good as my day has been, I'm stressed. I'm supposed to be looking for a job. I don't even have my REZOOM ready yet. I can't express the dread I feel right now. I know Janice understands; we've talked about more than once. Looking for a job is absolute hell for me.

Walking into places I don't really want to work in the first place, giving them a resume, and hoping they call back. And then when they do call back, I fuck up the interview. God damn social problems. I'm always too shy and nervous in interviews. And honest. I don't think quickly enough to answer "properly."

But the thing is, I'm [usually] pleasant to work with, I'm a quick learner, and, as much as I hate work, I have an extremely high work ethic...when I do have a job. I got that from my mom. Working her ass off doing hard labour, only to raise her daughter below the poverty line. She's lucky I was an only child.

The other thing that makes it hard this year IS my resume. I wouldn't hire me. I took 3 different programs at 2 different schools only to be the miserable failure I am. That looks worse than just not going to school after High School. Also, I refuse to work food service this year, but except for Mahons, it's the only work experience I have. For some reason, I can't get a measly retail job because I'm type-casted in the food industry. Seriously, how is it that different? And, the service experience I have ain't high class...Momoya, Harvey's, Pizza Delight, Deli Green...

It's not that I feel those jobs are below me [although, really, those shit jobs are below almost everyone], it's more that they drive me crazy. One of these days, I'll lose it on one of those fucking yuppies on their lunch break. Oh, and then there's the Tall Ships. I WILL NOT go through that again!!! That's I vow I made myself 4 years ago, when I heard they planned to return in the Oh Four.

I think I better call my mom and ask to borrow some money.

FAXE hands tonight...I hope I can drag my ass outta bed tomorrow for the great job hunt.

So, last night, Steven (does he spell his name with a 'v' or a 'ph'? I thought it was the latter) tried to tell us that this September would be his 7 year anniversary with Heather.

me: How can that be, Steven? This year was our 6 year, and I knew you before you were with Heather.

He proceeded to explain starting with "I graduated in '96..."

me: No, you graduated with KC in '97

He went on to count how many years he lived places. "...and then I lived on North Street for..."

Scott: That was '99. I lived there at the same time.

I can see how it can get a little confusing if you didn't live in every apartment for a full year. See, this is (or will be) my 7th summer since I met Steve, but it was 1998; 6 years ago. Does that make sense? One: '98, Two: '99. Three: '00, Four: '01, Five: '02, Six: '03, Seven: '04.

Steven and Heather have been together 5.5 years, NOT 6.5. I know this for a fact, but had trouble convincing him. See, I met Steven BEFORE the incident at the prom party that resulted in a broken nose. I knew Steven when he and Heather first started hanging out and going to the beach and taking photos together. He only brought it up because of a little secret he was going to tell us, but he had trouble getting that far because we kept picking apart his facts.

Finally, dear ol' Cynical Steve (drunk by now) yells "Well, I don't know if we've been together 6 or 7 years, it doesn't matter, but ...........[this is when he told us the secret]."

Also, it looks like I'll be seeing Jowed more often now that he is without ball 'n' chain.

I spent the evening with Thistle, Joudry, and Nickerson.
If you don't know them, that doesn't mean anything.
If you do know them, that might mean a lot.
I had a good time.

2 things I forgot:

1) Gerry gave me a nice little pin on Saturday. His friend, Eva, made it. I don't know Eva very well, but I did meet her when she visited Halifax awhile back and I read her livejournal sometimes. I can say she's some sort of artist, she's awesome, and she's beautiful. Also, she's Polish. Did you know I'm part Polish? Must be where we both get our babe-aliciousness. I'm happy that the pin I got has a diamond on it. My name is Crystal and when I was younger, some people called me "The Gem."

2) Cory told me Saturday night that Tensity was NOT happening on Sunday because he was too far behind in schoolwork. I don't know if it was actually cancelled because I was with the Hunter crew. I realized my description of the poems I was going to read sounded mean. One thing you should understand is KC and I mock Cory. It's all in good fun. It's the way the relationship works with him. Also, those poems aren't really that mean. They're more stupid, childish, and riddled with inside jokes. So, I am going to post them here.

Beer Sometimes

Q: Sometimes
Just maybe
We should go for
A beer sometime

A: Who the hell do you
Think I might look like
Sometime,
Cory Lavender or somethin'
Fuck
Fuck Fuck

Death

Beer Sometime
*Cory Lavender or something
>Mrs Babin grade 8 teacher
>Some kid

Train Me

I'd like to train
You to train me
To watch you,
Watch me
Think I look
Like Cory Lavender
Or sumpthin'
Sometime

[pretend those ">" are checkmarks]

Friday, I went to the new Khyber Club for the first time. The Burdocks were playing with Sharp Like Knives. Both of those bands jam in the same room as me in the Downtown Mini-Storage on Cornwallis Street. I usually go to Burdocks shows.

Thanks to H&R Block and their Cash Back service, I had some money for the weekend. KC and I couldn't figure out what we wanted to eat. Our kitchen's a mess and neither of us wanted to clean it in order to cook something. So, we decided we'd blow some of my tax return on a dinner at Hogie's. I knew they had renovated, but it's like a completely different place. Being an alcoholic with a few extra bucks, I wanted a drink with my meal. On the back of the menu, there's a drink menu. I see the Kick-a-boo juice. I mention how Kelly and/or my mom repeatedly say how good that crap is, so we get a pitcher. By the end of my meal (blackened shrimp linguini), I wanted to get going, so I quickly drank the rest of the stuff and left with a buzz-on.

By the time we hit the Khyber, KC had a belly-ache and my buzz was turning into drowsiness. It's nicer and cleaner in there. I was having trouble warming up for the show that was about to start, thanks to the lesbian folk they were playing. I mean, there's nothing wrong with lesbians or folk music, or lesbian folk, but I don't think it was fitting for the evening. The bands played and it was fun. During the Burdocks set, I realized that I knew the name of every hot person in the room. I was standing on a chair by one of the windows, so I could see everyone. After the show (during for the ones that got kicked out), some people went up to the Seahorse. I kinda wanted to, but I knew I'd get there in time to miss Colour TV, so it wasn't worth it for me.

Saturday, I played with template codes to get these 3 columns, while KC made muffin mixes at the Deli Green. I also answered the phone every time someone called trying to figure out gear and stuff for the show. Too bad I was the only one home and I never know what's going on before a show. Kelly and Alden couldn't make it because of their move, but that's ok, I expected that. Brian couldn't make it because he was to be graduating from NSCAD the next day. CONGRATULATIONS BRIAN!!! Some people played FAXE hands before coming down. Rules and photos can be found over on ger dot com. I wanted to play, but I also wanted to be able to play my bass later that night. Rumour has it, there's another round happening soon. I'll be there.

I didn't get to sleep in as much as normal on Sunday. The Burdocks were shooting a video, so I went to the church on North street with a light blue shirt on. I had the pleasure of spending the day with many people I had seen over the weekend, and they were all wearing light blue shirts. They had pop and chips for us, and masks made out of the people on money. I was the creepy guy from the fifty dollar bill. With my short, girly body, I guess I looked really creepy, so the director guy put me up front for the Hell scene. We swarmed and guy, and circled him. Then we danced to "Pop Cult" a few times. At one point, we were supposed to hate the band. It was all okay for me until I made eye contact with Seth. Locking eyes like that, I felt like I was glaring at him with real hate. I know he knows it wasn't real hate, but still "We don't want to hate you."

After the video shoot, KC and Darcy went to visit their grandmother. But, KC had misplaced his keys. So, I talked to Emily and decided I would spend the day with her and KC could find me later with my keys so we could go home. I'm glad I did. I had a really fun day. I think it's been awhile since I've laughed so much.

Emily, Rachael, Gerry, Mark, and I played follow the porn. Did you ever see that on the Tom Green Show? We put a porn in the middle of the road and marked the goal posts. If it went past one mark, Gerry got a point. If it went past the other mark, Emily and/or Mark got a point. I can't remember who was actually playing and who was just watching. It didn't work as well as hoped. We got bored and hungry waiting for the porn to move a bit, so we went to BK, where 3 of us got Whoppers and the other 2 got little veggie burgers. It's been awhile since I ate BK, and it wasn't any better than I had remembered. I kept think of the Briefs song "Ass" while I was there. On our way to Hunter street from Burger King, we noticed that the porn was gone, meaning some child or homeless bum was off somewhere having a good time. Then we saw a page across the street. At first, it looked like a chip bag, but Mark and Gerry went across to see, and it was a part of the porn. Then Rachael and I saw some in the Piercey's parking lot. Us, and Emily, ran across the parking lot towards it and we discovered a few more pages blown up against the fence. We left the pieces we could find in a tree, hanging from the branches like leaves.

At the Hunter house, I looked at Hustler while they watched something on TV. It was some show I didn't understand. I think Puffy was on it. Maybe it would've made sense if I had watched it instead of looking at all those tits and pussies. Then we watched Tom Green, The Simpsons, and Trailer Park Boys. It's days like that I wish I had cable. They didn't have to watch Three and a Half Men (which I almost always watch on Sunday nights) but were able to change to Fox and watch the Simpsons again. It was the first time I had seen a new episode of TPB since the 2nd season. Back then, I used to watch it at Charlie's.

While I was enjoying the cable TV, Emily and Ainsley painted porn. At their last party, someone had the nerve to rip something off their wall. I'm sorry, but I really don't fucking care what your opinion on pornography is, you don't rip things off people's walls. It's their house, and their wall, and if they want to put up a spread with a Viet Nam theme and gaping cunts, that's their choice. I can't even express how pissed I'd be if someone did that in my home. So, to commemorate it, people have been making art with a Viet Nam/gaping cunt theme. I might get around to doing one for them. That would be my first piece of art to leave my house (although Sexy Beast belongs to Ali, whenever she can get it).

Thanks to all my beautiful friends for such a great weekend. That was one of the best Sundays I've had in ages. AND, it was wholesome, sober fun. I didn't drink anything until I got home that night.

I think I might be coming down with Alfred Fever.

I hope tonight's a lot better than today. I have no fucking clue what to wear. I had something sorta planned but now it's cold and SNOWING at the fucking end of April. Hardly anything I own is clean, especially nothing I like.

I have my hopes up, and that always spells disaster. Life is so much easier being a pessimist. That way, I never expect anything good to happen. So, when something bad happens, I'm not surprised, but when something good happens I AM surprised, and it's even better.

Alden and Kelly are moving today. They lived in Yarmouth for 2 years, and I never managed to find a way to visit them, even though I always told them I would. They don't live in Yarmouth anymore, but the Chester area. I like that. It's a lot closer, and Kelly has a car. I'm very excited to see them more often. My hopes are up because they said they were going to try to come to the show tonight. I'd die to see them. I love them and miss them. But I know that it won't work out. I never get what I want.

The fucking weather out there won't make it easier for them to want to come.

We lived with them on Armoury Place, and my fuck did we ever have good times then and there.

I finally caught up with the Tensity schedule. It's every 2 weeks, but the host has gotten slack with postering, so it's been awhile since I was there. There is one tomorrow. Salvation around 7:30. I will be reading some poems. I will start with 2 poems from Target: Monkey. (the 2 most recent posts) But, as I was going through mounds of paperwork this week to gather all my information to file my taxes, I found another paper with 3 poems on it. Poems that were written during that time that we lived with Held and Kell. I don't know who wrote them. I know KC and I were there, but I only contributed laughter. I can't tell by the hand-writing. I think it was Ling or Alden that wrote them. I can't wait to read them at Tensity because they make fun of poetry, and Cory Lavender (who is the host). He won't know what hit him when he hears me laughing at his expense in front of all those poetry buffs.

We need someone to sell CD's for us tonight. It comes with a place on the guest-list, and Chik's beer tickets. (But of course, we have to know and trust you. We don't give benefits like that to just anyone. Also, our regular seller, Mark, might be there, we just haven't gotten ahold of him yet.)

PSSHT!!

That's the sound of me opening a can of beer at 1:45, upon returning home from finishing school, probably for good. But don't really congratulate me. After 4 years of post-secondary education, I have graduated from nothing.

Take WHAT YOUR NAME MEANS today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

HOW DO THEY KNOW?

Crystal=Sexy Lady but you have bisexual thoughts often.

Anne=You have no life but will end up a millionare.

Almost.
Almost.

I am not done school yet, although I should be. I finished my math exam a little under an hour ago. But, I haven't really gone to class in the last 2 or 3 weeks, so I ended up missing a marketing test. Even though I didn't call in sick and had no valid excuse, they are letting me write a make-up test at 1:00. I didn't study. I don't really care. Any mark I get on the make-up will be better than the 0% I would have for missing the test. Also, It's 42 multiple choice questions, but it's marked out of 40. Which means the mark is automatically higher than it would be if out of 42. It's on all the chapters. Multiple choice is pretty easy, for me. Some people say they are hard, and I admit that a good multiple choice test will make you think. However, the answer is given to you, so if you were in class that day and/or skimmed the chapter, it just takes a little logic and common sense to deduce the answer.

I assumed I was going to ace my math exam, and therefore didn't really study. THEN I got here late this morning. When I got up, my clock said 7:30. I didn't know the clock was wrong until 25 minutes later. I was drinking my first cup of coffee and looking over the my formula sheet. I check the computer to see how much time I have left before I have to go, and it say 8:53!! NOT 7:53. FUCK!! I don't think've walked that quickly in a long time. I even ran part of the way. This exam is worth 30% of my mark, and I'm fucking late!? I got here at 9:10, and barely passed the exam.

Now, I'm drinking more coffee and wasting time until my last test. Then I can celebrate. And this weekend is going to be better than I had expected. Thanks to H&R Block and their cash-back, I got a bunch of $$$ yesterday.

Tonight I will be heading down to the new Khyber for the first time. Gotta catch those Burdocks before they leave for their tour.

I am very, very excited for tomorrow, for many reasons:

1) I love being on stage, and tomorrow night I get to for the first time in 2 months.
2) I have my tax return and will be finished school, but I don't have a job yet. In other words, plenty of reason and opportunity to, um, par-tay.
3) Spincycle is playing with us. I've only seen a (empty) Reflections show, a few nights at the Jamboree in Hell, and a hallway party. Now that I've heard them a few times, their songs are growing on me. We had a few shows booked with these guys, but have never played with them because the shows that were booked were those cursed all-ages shows. The Seahorse is my favourite place to see a band, so it should be interesting to see them there.
4) Contrived are playing. I know some of you may have seen them already since their return. But the last time I saw them was way back in December. But that night, I got kicked out into their second or third song. I mentioned it, but not really in great detail. Basically, I spit at the guitarist, Tim. I didn't hit anyone, or any gear, and the bouncers didn't care that I meant no harm and are friends with the guys. Oh well. Tim's not longer with them, and you CAN spit at the Seahorse.

Today, I love everyone. See some of you later.

"Yeah, we met a couple of times in Emily's bedroom."

You know that we're both good people if we met in Emily's bedroom, cuz she doesn't let just anyone into her boudoir. My second favourite place that I have recently met someone is the men's washroom. Sure, I've met plenty of people in the women's washroom, but that's not difficult to accomplish.

The Idiot was a good time last night. My first time seeing Hi Firey as a band, and it was quite enjoyable. "You must like him for his drumming skills, cuz I can't think of anything else that's good about him"--JCS. Stewie also asked me if I was going to heckle them. People just can't let things go. I told him I was going to wait for the next band (I thought the Academic was next) because it had the Fucking Christian Simmons in it. In reality, Great Plains were next. It wasn't what I'd call "my thing" but it was good to see Sean with a guitar and microphone and those guys are certainly talented. At one point, the bass player broke a string. Obviously, there was a lull in the show while he got another one and he and Sean re-tuned. Sean asked if Gerry was in the crowd "we could really use some heckling right now." The room erupted in people yelling "gay" at the band. Then, there was a discussion about vibe. Alfred had lost his vibe, which consequently wrecked MY vibe. The last thing I said before Great Plains continued their set was "my birthday's coming. I'd love it if someone bought me a vibe."

The Academic were good. I didn't pay any attention to them when they played the hallway party (I have a circular scar on my throat from that cigarette burn). It was quite entertaining to see Rock Dad rocking out up front. "I expect half of you to come right up front, and the other half, well you'll probably leave, but that's okay with us." I've only been to the Idiot twice, and both times I had the pleasure of witnesses Mike Bigelow. He's so nice, funny, fun, etc. And talented. He's really fun to watch. Pretty eccentric, really. I love the way he moves on stage. I need to start moving more.

I have some decisions to make about tonight. Last night, the sweet girl that I met in Emily's bedroom invited me to her going away party. I think it'd be interesting and fun to go to a going away party for people I don't really know. I know many of their friends, and it would be one last chance to get to know them before they move. I try not to make commitments. I don't commit myself to something unless I know for sure I'll come through with keeping my word. A certain friend of mine is famous for saying "I'll be there" or "maybe" or "probably" or "I'm on my way" and then never actually showing up. So, when I left the bar last night, I said "if I don't see you, have a good move and I'll hit you up on friendster." The response was "oh, but we'll see you tomorrow."

But, less than an hour ago, DRock called to invite us to a party at Slitch haus. They always invite us and we've never gone yet. It'd be quite an adventure, really. I don't even know where Inglis Street IS. And, considering I got lost looking for North Street a few weeks back, it's guaranteed I'll get lost in the South End. To me, that's scarier. So many fucking jocks in the South End.

Then there's the show at the Seahorse that I'm pretty sure I'm not going to. I can't afford to go to so many shows, and I'll see Contrived for free next weekend.

So, now I'm torn. I'll probably know more people at the Caper party, but they'll be wrapped up with their friends and I'll probably feel stupid and out of place. I really want to go to a Slitch party, but this one's so last minute and I probably won't be getting that drunk tonight. I'm off for breakfast at 3:00. I'm sure tonight's plans will dominate the conversation.

The Hold are finally on the internet. There's quite a few pop-ups [sorry], and the mp3's don't work yet [or so I'm told, I haven't checked], but they will work soon [or so I'm told].

Way back in March, I made a Quiz on QuizYourFriendsDotCom. I've been waiting for KC to take it before posting the scoreboard and my thoughts.

Scoreboard
1) Yes, I'm taking my own quiz__100
2) christ and laura consensus____70
3) CASE EYE_________________70
4) Rachael___________________60
5) 44_______________________60
6) alfred_____________________50
7) siobhan___________________50
8) mark_____________________50
9) Tobias____________________50
10) 12345___________________40
11) abus____________________40
12) lilly______________________40
13) Jack Care-O-aack___________30
14) ger._____________________30
15) Janice____________________30
16) emily____________________30
17) nanner___________________20
[when I spell check, it wants me to change siobhan to soybean and Tobias to Tobago]

My Thoughts
It's called quiz your friends. I can understand people not leaving their names. I know who "Jack Care-O-aack" and "lilly" are because of the corresponding email addresses. I do not know who "12345" and "44" are. But, since the link was on the internet, they could be friends in hiding or strangers. It doesn't really matter.

When someone takes your quiz, you get an email informing you of their score. For the first few respondents, I didn't notice the "see friend's detailed results" which tells you what they answered for each question. So, I don't know how all of you answered, but I'm gonna give you the answers anyway. Anyone taking it after today is silly and I expect them to get 100%.

Question 1 What year did I come out of my mommy?

Many people picked 1980. They know approximately how old I am, but not quite. Even people my age (Ali, Janice) picked 1980, but they probably thought I was younger because they remembered me going to High School in Liverpool. I was 19 that year. I was, in fact, born in the 70's and rather enjoyed those last 4 months of the year.
Answer: 1979.

Question 2 What's my middle name?

I didn't really expect many people to get this one. After all, most of you are people I drink with and even IF middles names come up in conversation, who's gonna remember, AND who would know the spelling? One thing is that I LOVE cats, I'm a LEO, and my initials are CAT. So? All my answers started with "A." Many people (including KC) incorrectly picked Ann.
Answer: Anne (I loved Anne of Green Gables as a kid because she always insisted that her name was "Ann-with-an-E."

Question 3 How old was I when I met KC?
There's hints if you knew me back then. I couldn't go to his shows, or upstairs at the Mokka. I get ID'd NOW, so there was no way I was getting in then. Also, if you knew my age and that we've been together 6 years, it's easy math. I don't know what most people picked. Some people remembered I was underage, but they guessed 16.
Answer: 18 He didn't talk to me for a month or two after first seeing me because he THOUGHT I was only 16. When he found out I was almost 19, I was fair game. He took me to the Tickle Trunk and The Seahorse for my 19th birthday.

Question 4 Who is in more than half of my DVD's?
Answer: Owen Wilson I think that goes without saying, if you know me at all. Actually, I got a bunch of movies from my mom for Christmas, so he's probably not in more than half, but he used to be, and he's still in more than any other actor. Ben Stiller's a close second, as he is in most of the movies I have that contain Owen.

Question 5 Which band did NOT include me?
I'm pretty sure everyone got this wrong, but I guess it WAS a trick question. There's been a lot of "hey, there's already a band called The Briefs." I thought some people would remember The Standards, but I guess that was Woodill Street days, so it was before all the Liverpudlians. The Standards were me, Leah L., Tim Dockrill, and Cory Lavender. Our line-up changed a bit to include Holly D. for awhile. We shared a jamspot with Throbbing Problem, which is how I became friends with Mark F.'s girlfriend, Jenn. It's also where I first met Kelly.
Answer: The Briefs I was in A band called the briefs, but those Seattle guys had the name a couple years before us, and we are now broken up.

Question 6 What's my favourite kind of sushi?
The choices actually include my 2 favourite and my 2 most hated kinds of sushi. Many people picked yellow tail (nigiri or maki). I'm thinking that because I didn't specify, they assumed I liked it all. Even people I've gone for sushi with, where I've said "Oh, I don't have enough for everything. I HAVE to get ____ because it's my favourite" picked yellow tail. In fact I hate EVERYTHING yellow tail. Too fishy. Reminds me of that stench in the Mic Mac Mall women's washroom. I also HATE California Rolls.
Answer: spicy salmon roll (Eel nigiri is a close second)

Question 7 What's my favourite beer?
KC accused me of this being a trick question as well. My beer of choice, usually, is Oland's (especially out of the list I provided). However, I will even drink a god damn Keith's, when it's free.
Answer: anything free (like the liquor pig I am)

Question 8 How many email accounts do I have?
Answer: 5 I have my first one, that my mom made me get at the Ceilidh Connection to keep in touch because I'm so fucking terrible with the telephone. Then, I decided to get a new one so I'd have one for friends and one for family. Then I got the internet at home and received my very own sympatico account. Then I went to NSCC, and they forced me to have a school account so they can send me their student council spam (but I have to check it because I get important messages from my teachers sometimes). Finally, I have my pistolwhip email. [Actually, I had a Dal address too, way back when. Mark F. still has his, I wonder if I do too, or if he's special because he actually graduated.]

Question 9 What's my cat's name?
The answer to this question is no longer correct. Last night, KC asked me if it meant my cat's name CURRENTLY. The problem with that is that I have 2 cats now, and both of their names are possible answers. But only one is right.
Answer: Gertie Lydia is now mine as well. Buddy and Puffy are both names of cats of mine that are now dead.

Question 10 Do I like you?
I know, I know. Stupid question that no one should really be able to get right. I didn't know what to put as a 10th question, although I did think of one later. Ling or his String got that one correct. But, you might be able to guess if you use a little logic. Being that it's "quiz your friends" the answer wouldn't be "no", and it might be "yes". But since I don't actually know who the "you" is that is taking the quiz, the answer probably isn't that definite. "I'm not sure" assumes that strangers might be taking it and so I'm not sure what I think of them.
Answer: More than likely

So, I see I've wasted far too much time doing that. But, hey, don't you all feel like you learned a little about me? Especially those of you who didn't take the quiz.

I saw Charles for the first time in a year or so.

The summer of 2002, I worked at Mahons Express on Spring Garden Road. It was pretty much the only job I've had that I enjoyed. I enjoyed it for more than one reason.

First, I loved that place. I've always had a thing for stationary and pens. I remember grocery shopping with my parents and making them let me check out MacDonald's stationary before leaving. When I started going to hang out downtown, I found Mahons. They had a wall full of pens with post-it notes provided to test them.

Second, it's the only job I've had that didn't involve serving food to cranky fools on their half hour lunch break.

Third, my dear friend and roommate was the manager.

Fourth, the place went out of business, so for the months that I worked there, there wasn't much work to be done. Especially on Saturdays.

Time was spent talking to coworkers, reading, and playing old Nintendo games on the computers. I believe I can thank Brian the Ling for installing the emulator and all the games. Colin and Charles are the names of my two main coworkers. Others came and went, but I think the three of us had a lot of fun together. The two games played the most were Exodus, and Pussy City Pimps. PCP was Nintendo like, and perhaps it was released in Asia. It was also hilarious; all the guys walked around with their cocks out. I guess it was comparable to Leisure Suit Larry, but crossed with Zelda.

Remember the stand-off between protesters and the riot pigs that summer? I took pictures, and they didn't like that. Then they got aggressive with Charles. Only time in my life, so far, that I screamed and swore at a cop. I was just so angry with the way he man-handled my friend, when really we were store clerks with nothing to do because we had no customers because of the ordeal outside.

One Saturday, to pass time, we decided to list as many of those Heritage Minute commercials we could. At first we tried to come up with a memorable quote from each one, but we quickly realized that there were some we remembered, but couldn't actually quote. I don't know who came up with each one, but we all contributed. I found the list while sorting through paperwork yesterday. I've misplaced one of my T-4 slips, so that's what I was actually looking for. DAMN, I NEED to get my tax return filed.

Our list follows:

1. "Now the people will know we were here."
2. "I will reply from the mouth of my cannon."
3. "We have to keep our Irish names!!"
4. "Waki-an Canada clonck." "I'm sure it means the houses; the village." [Sorry. None of us speak the language, and that IS how we had it spelt on our list.]
5. "I need those baskets back."
6. "Both of you know I cannot read a word."
7. "The medium IS the message."
8. "Wait, wait, Lois! You never know, it might be worth something someday."
9. "Pa ain't gonna make it! One of them slave-catchers got 'im."
10. "Through the air, over the sea, the first time ever."
11. Midwife one--"We'll never get therrre-ah!"
12. "And boy did we sing those hymns, together."
13. "I'm gonna repeat every word of this disgusting lecture to your charming wife."
14. "Nice men don't want the vote."
15. "Responsible government, it's a Canadian idea." "Pity, ma'am."
16. "Tell him, it's actually a very old idea."
17. "For every mile of that track, 50 dead Chinese men."
18. Avro Aero; Dan Akroyd.
19. "Does the Great Spirit still exist, DooDa?" "You're here aren't you?"
20. "I coulda shot him. Why didn't I shoot him?"
21. "The first white men that never lied to us."
22. "Mississippi, Great Water."
23. "The hair's on fire." "Keep the hair wet."
24. "My tools are not for sale." "I can pay."
25. Bluenose one--"Just a little farther, girl. Then you can rest."
26. Rowers--Canada won.
27. Cassavent--pipe organ maker.
28. Vikings in Newfoundland.
29. "Dr. Penfield, I can smell burnt toast."
30. Dinosaurs found in Alberta--Great Buffalo--geological study.
31. Standard time invented.
32. "Isn't he the Canadian who came up with Human Rights?"
33. "How will we get it there?" We'll build a ______! [you know, those cable car things?]
34. Built and island in Montreal--Expo '67.
35. Townspeople build their own hospital.
36. Flanders Fields.
37. "That's why they changed the name of Pine Street to Valour Road."
38. "No reason. Just Winnie___the___Pooh."
39. Maple Syrup.
40. "We'll have fish for the end of time."
41. Multiplex theatre.
42. Canadian Flag one.
43. "This piece deserves better. And the authours are Canadian-like, so..."
44. Totem pole painter--Emily Carr?
45. Peacekeeping.
46. Canadarm.
47. "Is this NORMAL?!?!"--jail
48. "I, ______, and all Canadian women after me, persons under the law." [I should know her name.]
49. United Nations formation?
50. Houses built out of straw in the prairies.

So, that Saturday afternoon, we came up with 50. Typing up the list, I did remember quotes from the ones we had forgotten. I did not want to alter the list, because that is what came off the tops of our heads that slow day. Besides, I've now had a year and a half of extra TV viewing to reinforce some of those quotes in my mind. For some of them, we could remember the idea, but the three of us couldn't agree as to its actual existence, or the actual details, hence the question marks.

Anything that ends in "ism" is stupid, and outdated.
Or maybe I should say intellectual and over my head.
Those words, and what they stand for, should all be deleted from our vocabulary
And forgotten forever.

I challenge you to think of a word that ends that way, and find it's current worth.
You can comment if you want, but you won't change my mind.

Because I've proven that sometimes I like to bore you with song lyrics that remind me of myself:

Rebel Rebel
David Bowie


Got your mother in a whirl
She's not sure if you're a boy or a girl
Hey, babe, your hair's alright
Hey, babe, lets go out tonight
You like me, and I like it all
We like dancing, and we look divine
You love bands when they play it hard
You want more, and you want it fast
Put you down, say I'm wrong
You tacky thing, you put them on


Rebel Rebel, you've torn your dress
Rebel Rebel, your face is a mess
Rebel Rebel, how could they know?
Hot tramp, I love you so!


Got your mother in a whirl
'cause she's not sure if you're a boy or a girl
Hey, babe, your hair's alright
Hey, babe, lets stay out tonight
You like me, and I like it all
We like dancing, and we look divine
You love bands when they play it hard
You want more, and you want it fast
They put you down, they say I'm wrong
You tacky thing, you put them on


Rebel Rebel, you've torn your dress
Rebel Rebel, your face is a mess
Rebel Rebel, how could they know?
Hot tramp, I love you so!


Don't ya?
Rebel Rebel, you've torn your dress
Rebel Rebel, your face is a mess
Rebel Rebel, how could they know?
Hot tramp, I love you so (much)


You've torn your dress, your face is a mess
You can't get enough, but enough ain't the test
You've got transmission and a live wire
Got your cue lines and a handful of ludes
You wanna be there when they count up the dues
And I love your dress
You're a juvenile success
Because your face is a mess
So how could they know?
I said, how could they know?
To what you wanna know
Calamitys child, chi-chile, chi-chile
Where'd you wanna go?
Can I do for you? Looks like you've been there too
'Cause you've torn your dress
And your face is a mess
Ooo, your face is a mess
Ooo, ooo, so how could they know?
How could they know?

I'm not wearing any underwear. Why is that a sexy thing to say? Currently, I feel gross. I should do my laundry more often, and my "cutie" is touching the inside of my jeans. Eww. Although, it does feel good sometimes. Empowering.

I'm also not wearing my engagement ring. But not for the reasons you might think upon first reading that. My middle finger (I don't wear it on my ring finger) is purple, cut, and swollen. Also, the ring is distorted so that it is no longer round. I didn't want to mosh at the Slitch show. It's been fun for the last year, but like 10 years ago, I feel I'm growing out of it again. I just had never done it drunk, when you couldn't really feel it. I didn't drink when I went to Cafe Ole. I was standing up front. I like being up front for bands I like. Sometimes I put my leg up; probably because Mike Adams and Gerry always make it look like such a fun thing to do. I don't mind getting bumped. I chose to be up front. Did you ever notice that when you get a head injury, the first reaction is rage? That's what happened Saturday. I still have a (tiny) bump on my head from a beer bottle. When I got hit, I put my bottle down in a safe place (in front of the monitor with Don's) and jumped in shoving. The problem was when I bounced off someone and fell down. That happens to me a lot; my little body picks up a lot of momentum. Usually someone's right there picking me up, but they didn't this time. I stuck my hand out to find something to push or pull myself up with. That's when I got stepped on, three times. I don't think I've ever had a body part crushed under a steel-toed boot before. That's how my hand got crushed with the diamond cutting into my finger. My arm, especially elbow, is difficult to use right now.

I'm surprised my arm or hand or finger didn't break. Maybe there was someone looking down on me, even though I've been so blasphemous lately.

There was a baby mouse in my boot. Darcy had some folks over for dinner before the show (even though KC and I are the only ones that went to the show). KC and I brought Ling and GFry with us. We had just happened to bump into them. We didn't tell the guy we were coming, but we had been invited. Luckily, we got there just in time. People were getting full and passed their leftovers to us. Before I know what's going on, I see Clareece playing with my boot. When she knocks it over, I notice the little brown bundle of fur. "Hey Darcy! Clareece has a mouse!" I'm so bad with those kind of situations; standing around observing and giving a play-by-play commentary. Thankfully, nanker was in the house. She jumped up and grabbed the mouse to take it outside. That's when Clareece jumps up and smacks it right out of Nancy's hand. The terrified little thing ran into my boot, which became it's method of transportation to the wonderful world of the South End.

While KC got sick, I spilled my guts. Fuckin' fuck. If I'm gonna go around saying that kind of stuff, maybe I shouldn't drink as much. Actually, I just probably shouldn't anyway. I hope (and believe) I can trust the person on the receiving end of my self-absorbed, horny, rambling. Funny thing is, now that I mentioned it to an outside party, I feel a lot better, and it's not as nagging. Heck, it's not even true anymore.

Hey! That's that girl that... Overheard at the Attic. I don't know what the rest of the sentence was, but yes, that was me.

Oh boy.

Nothing like drinking alone.

Ha Ha, Oh My God! What a great start to the day! I'm still laughing. Hayes posted it on his messageboard. Who let the dogs out?

It's been an interesting week filled with going out. Tuesday, was another Dean Malenko's jamboree. It was sad. If the turnout continues to be that bad, I can't see it lasting too much longer. Only 1 band showed up to play, but others were formed there. The stage banter from the Deans was hilarious in light of the situation. I didn't play on staying long, and didn't. I had a beer, and a couple screwdrivers and then it was off to home.

Wednesday was Ca$h Cow at Reflections. It was their first and last bar show. This guy Jon Bruhm had written all the songs over the last 7 years. I guess it was the first band Christian played drums for, back in the day, so he was on them again that night. The band also featured Mike, from Contrived, and some other guy. I had a decent time, but most of the week I've felt off to the sidelines. After writing my entry about beer and hockey, I was very pleased to learn that Boston kicked ass Wednesday night. I met a girl I only know online, in the bathroom at 'flections, and then we slow danced to Folds of Policy. Just as we were finishing our 'last' beer, Alfred got up to leave. Hey, wait for us, we'll walk with you. He was going up to the Thirsty Duck. We got there when the bands were done and drank in the smoking room with Goose and some KNA guys. We also spit on the Second Cup about 30 times on our way up to the Duck. The walk home was fun. Spitting on every shop window we could, especially that place that's where Mahons used to be. Fuck, I miss Mahons. Next thing I know, we're on South Park Street, and KC and Alf are rolling on the ground kicking and swinging. It soon progressed to humping. My last hork expulsion landed on the NSCC sign. It was still there when I went to class on Thursday.

I don't feel like getting into Thursday, because I could have made the best out of it, and didn't. I was pissed. It's hard when the anger takes me over; it's all I can think about. Although, there were good things on Thursday. I had Dharma sushi for the first time and KC made an absolutely hilarious card for Lavender's birthday. I wish I could put it up here for you, but I don't know how, and it wouldn't be appropriate. A lucky few of you have been emailed.

Last night I was in a bad mood and didn't do much. I should've just tried to enjoy my time with my sweetie, but I had all this pent up energy. I just wanted to lose it and wreak havoc, but didn't. I hate holidays. Oh well.

Tonight will be good. Back to the tried and true Seahorse for Slitch's CD release.

And for those of you that don't get the Coast, either by location or choice, last week's incident got some "real" press. Hurt your eyes.

I'm so frigging bored.

The first time I got drunk, I was about 3 years old. Maybe I was 2, maybe I was 4, I certainly don't remember. I'd have to ask my parents, but I don't care to.

My parents were nerds; must be where I get it. They were Trekkies and they played Dungeons and Dragons. That's what that night was all about. It was a D&D party. [I used to get so confused as a kid. D&D was a game my parents played, but DND was where my dad worked. They sounded the same when said aloud.]

I walked all through their party, asking people if I could "taste" their drinks. I also stole sips when people weren't paying attention. My parents were only a few years older than I am now. They didn't let me get too drunk, but they thought it was cute that I had a buzz. I guess that night was one of the only sound nights of sleep I had growing up.

As I got older [age 6-9], I acquired a taste for beer and hockey. Dad would come home from work, fight with mom about something irrelevant, and then watch TV all night, drinking.

Sometimes, he would stop for a few on his way home from work. On those days, he would sleep on the couch until dinner was ready, usually after yelling at Mom because it wasn't ready. "Mommy, how can you have dinner ready for him when he gets come, if he comes home at a different time every day?" "I know, Crystal. SHHHH!" [She couldn't win. She'd have it ready, he stop for a drink, and she was in shit for it being cold. Or she'd wait, so it wouldn't be cold, and she'd be in shit for it being late.]

I really enjoyed sitting with Daddy, watching TV. We watched a lot of hockey games together. "Crystal, what do you say if someone asks you which team you cheer for?"

ABC=Anything But Canadiens

Being from Ontario, his team was Tarana and he despised Muntreeall. When we moved to Nova Scotia, we saw much more Montreal games, them being the closest NHL team to here, so I became a Boston fan. I don't watch hockey at all anymore. Pretty much the only sports I watch is the Superbowl.

To be a good little girl, I often went to the fridge for my dad when he needed another. I remember when the twist-off caps came out in the 80s. I would come back from the fridge and say "Daddy, I tried to twist the cap off for you, but I can't." "Oh, that's ok, sweetie," he'd reply as he did it himself. I watched he go through the twisting motion and licked my lips. Then, because I can't lie and I wanted some, I would say "But if I got it off, I was going to steal a taste. Can I have a taste?" He'd give me a sip or two. We went through that routine every time I got him a beer. He would always give me a few sips, even though we both knew that, at the age of 6, I knew what Schooner tasted like, and I liked it. Mom would also let me repeatedly taste her wine coolers when I'd help her with housework like laundry.

How could I avoid the life I live now? It was destined. I've been an alc since before I went to school.

Dan walks into Accounting class this morning. Oh yeah! I saw Dan Thursday night. I wonder what he thought of the shit disturbing behaviour? Later, in the hallway, he asks "How were you feelin' Friday?" I said, "Well, since I barely remember parts of Thursday night, I wasn't feeling too good Friday."

I'm sure you've heard by now what happened, and I don't wish to spell out my version. If you haven't heard it, what are you doing here? It's all over the internet.

Friday, as I mentioned, I was going to go to the Marquee. I haven't seen the Heavy Blinkers in years, so that would have been nice. I saw them ages ago, but I was on acid. Big mistake. I ended up sitting in the back of the Marquee, with my knees pulled up to my chin, rocking back and forth. It's not that they're bad, it's just that the keyboards combined with the acid trip made me feel like I was at a circus. That must've been 5 or 6 years ago now.

The Tragedies are my pals. I've only seen them play twice, and was significantly loaded, so I don't wish to say anything good or bad about them. I met some of the guys a couple years ago when the Mos Huntslers, Made in the World, and the Briefs (cough) played together in Mahone Bay. It was my birthday. I think I was turning 23. We drank at the place that we ate, and the girls shared some Jagermeister and/or Jameson's with me in the playground before and during the show. Later that night, the girls went somewhere, and I slept on a beach with Made and the Huntslers. I've now been JCS and Patt Mollard's neighbour for a year and a half. I met Jon when we became neighbours. We push each other, swear at each other, spy on each other, and root through each other's garbage.

I didn't go to either show. Nor did I go to the Clay Cafe, nor the Burdocks' unplugged show at the Idiot. I stayed home and snuggled. I watched 21 Grams (meh), and Office Space. I can't fucking believe I've waited 5 years to watch Office Space. Now, I own it.

Saturday, I slept in while KC worked. Then we met at Cafe Vienna for some food. He had breakfast, I had a yummy-bummy tuna pita. Not as good as the tuna melt, but I didn't feel like the melt on that day. Bumped into some folks, and that's when Mike Bigelow told me Friday was his "my Thursday." I guess some folks were right loaded at the 'Docks show and someone stole a giant ball and kicked it up the street on the way home.

I spent most of the evening waiting 'till it was time to go to the Burlesque show. I'm very glad I finally checked out one of those shows. It was so fun. Most of the acts were great, and as for the ones that weren't, they were still good and you could still see where they deserved an A for effort. J Melanson was in fine form. What a great host. Erik did good as his sidekick, but J had me snort-laughing. My goodness. "I wasn't ready to come out yet!!!" And he trips onto the stage with his pants around his ankles and sparkly red panties and a purple bra. I always thought purple and red were one of those no-no combinations.

We had to smoke outside. That is where Mark Black showed me his Michael Jackson trading cards. He was nice enough to share that 20 year old gum. Thing is, I remember that gum having the exact same taste and texture 20 years ago. So, I think it's supposed to be like that. EWWW.

I left the Burlesque show early. I'm a little disappointed that I didn't get to see the rest of the acts, but I am not disappointed that I made it to the Seahorse when I did. C'mon played second, so I got there just about on time. A little early, but at least I got to see a little max r'n'r. I was enthralled by C'mon. Maybe they weren't that good, but they certainly weren't bad. I usually have a difficult time forming an opinion on something the first time I see/hear it. But I was in such a good mood, and made my way right up front. That chick was inspiring. She kept snapping her hair at the people up front and looking you right in the face. Ian Blurton kept playing in people's faces. I took the opportunity to lick AT his guitar. I didn't actually lick it for two reasons. 1) outta respect 2) I don't know where that's been. After they played, the drummer bummed a smoke from me and recognized KC and I from a drunken night at the Marquee. We were chatting with him and other folks back stage after Blurtonia played. Later, well after hours, one of Victor's friends was trying to pick me up, and I took the opportunity to get another beer. Victor kicked us out upon lighting a cigarette. Who cares that we were smoking all night, it was after-hours and he sets the rules.

C'mon collectively said goodbye to us as we left, and we told them how awesome we thought the show was.

Sunday was spent tidying up a bit, relaxing a bit, and keeping up with the shit storm that I was apparently a part of, but the anger wasn't directed at me. I'm not a homophobe.

Monday was all about the love.

Happy Anniversary!!

You changed the way I look at the world, including everyone in it, and especially the way I look at music and art. You helped me see things, especially myself, in a much more positive light than I ever had before. You taught me what love actually is, and you are more important to me than anyone else.

6 years ago, laying in bed, smoking, in the wee hours of the morning, I realized that I was going to meet your parents in the morning. I turned to you and said "So, how are you going to introduce me? Am I your girlfriend, or just some slut in your bed?" I think your response was that I was a slut in your bed.

2 years ago, you tossed me a mustard yellow jewelry box, with a diamond ring inside. "What's this?" I ask. Your respone was "I think you know." Punkest proposal ever.

1 year ago, we went to see Contrived at the Seahorse.

I love you.

For the last few days, I've been replaying the last scene of Hard Core Logo in my mind.

One last shot, one last shot.

What a way to go.

One last shot of bourbon (or something of the like)...

One last camera shot...

One last gunshot...

Ha ha. One of my links said I was so rock n roll. It's true. She knows me well. She knows I was rocking out to Sabbath in the crib, before I could even talk.

Her email addresses bug me. They're great, but I alwasy get that damn song in my head:

"Oh
Mares eat oats and does eat oats
And little lambs eat ivy.
A kid'll eat ivy too
Wouldn't you?"

It's been way too long since the last time I saw Twin Peaks. Maybe I can borrow it again from Alden, when he moves closer to the city this summer.

I still think I should have made it onto the idiot list.

I couldn't find my keys all day yesterday. I looked all around the living room and bedroom, but I could not figure out where I dropped them after using them to let myself in. Maybe they're in the jacket, so I start rooting through the pockets. I' relieved and happy to discover a pack of Export A Medium with only one smoke missing. I switched to Du Maurier awhile ago, but Export blue always rolls of my tongue when I'm drunk. I smoked them for years. I was relieved because I thought that meant that I had discovered what happened to my missing money. Not so. After further pocket investigation, I find a yellow receipt. Needs Chebucto, used my bank card. That's really not good, because there was only slightly more than rent in there, and once my service charges are taken, my rent cheque will probably bounce. That would be fine, if February's hadn't already bounced. I need to roll some coins and bring them to the bank on Monday. At least my landlord never takes the rent out on time, but this'll likely be the one time he does.

I don't even remember going to Needs. At all. You'd think I'd remember something of the transaction. I had to buzz to get in, even. But nope. I betcha the surveillance footage from that night is pretty funny.

KC found the keys in our hallway outside of our door this morning when he left for work.

There's a pub crawl for my school tonight. They're actually not allowed to call it a pub crawl anymore, so it's a "downtown social." They're all gonna end the night at the Dome. I wonder how many will go upstairs to "feel" JSB.

But I'm not going. Fuck that. I'd much rather drink with friends than go to all the worst bars in the city with the practically strangers in my class. I do hope to bump into them so I can laugh my ass off. I always found the concept of a pub crawl interesting and I'm glad to say that I have experienced it once, and once was enough.

It was a few years ago. I was a student at Dalhousie, so I found it pretty novel that I was on an NSCC pub crawl. Those Akerely kids went to slightly better bars than the ones the Halifax kids are going to tonight. KC was taking Entrepreneurship. Scott J, from L-Pool, was in his class. KC and I were very good friends with him that year. Then he got a girlfriend and I haven't seen him since. That happens far too often.

Having decent folk in his class, it was the best time for us to get the pub crawl experience over with.

We started in the afternoon at a party somewhere in Dartmouth, skipping the first few bars. We met the rest of the students at Merril's, on the way to Reflections. We were already drunk. It was my first time at Reflections. Back then I ONLY had guy friends and none of them would dance. But Chris Smith (I'm using his full name, cuz ya still don't know who he is; there's thousands of Chris Smith's out there.) did. He felt uncomfortable and kept making sure KC was okay with it. KC and Scott are all like "I'm not gonna dance, you might as well." There was no way I wasn't dancing. "If this is the best place to dance, you best believe I'm gonna dance." It was fun. It was also ridiculous (kinda like last night at the Dome).

The last stop WAS the Dome, where I yelled at a bouncer for the first time. See, when you're on a pub crawl, there's a schedule. But we had been showing up late at every bar. Someone came up to us at 'Flections, "If you're going to the Dome, you have to go now or they won't let you in." So we finished our beers an hiked up.

What I can't understand is why they let Chris Smith in, but not me, KC, or Scott. We were all together, but Chris maneuvered his way up in the line. Weasely little Dartmouth boy.

I lost it.

"What do you mean we have to pay cover? I paid MY cover when I bought this fucking T-shirt."

"Well, you were late. We let people in late, but you came 15 minutes after we stopped."

KC starts pulling on me, and I keep ranting.

"WE WERE IN LINE! You let him in. He's with us. Oh well. IF YOU DON'T FUCKIN WANT MY FUCKIN MONEY, FINE. I'LL GO BACK TO REFLECTIONS. THEY LIKED MY MONEY THERE. I ONLY FUCKIN CAME TO THIS FUCKING BAR SO I COULD FUCKING CHECK IT OUT FOR FREE. FUCK YOU. FUCK THAT. etc..."

"I'm fucking going back to Reflections. FUCK!!!!!"

And then, to the people in line:

"What the FUCK are you doing waiting to get in there? FUCK THAT. This place fucking sucks. You should all go to Reflections."

We didn't go back to Reflections. We went home and smoked our brains out. I have a picture of us back at my place. We look like we're half-dead, all 4 of us.

So, if you see my classmates tonight, enjoy it. Let them know how stupid they are for buying those matching t-shirts and going to shit bars. I'll be at a couple of CD releases.

I took it too far. I always do. I guess at least I know the areas where I need improvement. Reportedly, I was pretty incoherent when I got home, and the last thing I remember was putting the key in the door. I lost some money. I know because I know I didn't buy 10 two dollar drinks. I have a blister on my finger from a cigarette burn as well as the worst nail polish job I've ever seen. I can thank Mark for that. It's funny; I hated my green winter jacket passionately, but now that I don't have it anymore, I'm kind of sad. Thanks, Gerry, for letting me use yours. I'll get it back to you soon.

The weird thing is, I woke up this morning feeling great. Ok, I slept through my only class, and I was dizzy which made me drop my pie on the floor and spill my iced tea, but generally I feel great. The hangover is certainly not the same without the chemicals.

I don't feel like going to a bar tonight, but I am. Heavy Blinkers CD release upstairs, Tragedies CD release down.

And so everyone knows, but I thought you did, I give the finger to people I like...

Jesus Christ, why am I so fucked up lately? I'm still dwelling on the no friends, just drinking buddies observation. It's a realization I've come to many times over the years. It's my fault. I don't know how to make friends. I get drunk and talk about myself too much. When I'm drunk and trying to listen to the other person, I get distracted and I forget it all. I'm sure it comes across as me not caring at all. But it's not like that. It's just that I'm a social misfit. Why don't I have sober conversations with my friends, you ask. Because I only see them at bars and parties. I don't know what to do other than that, so I never make "sober" plans. Also, I absolutely HATE the telephone, so I'll never call anyone to hang-out. I also don't answer the phone, at least until I hear your voice on the answering machine, and that makes people not want to call me.

I miss everyone.

I think I should be committed. Sometimes I think things would be a lot better that way. Doing my own thing, doped up in a hospital, not worrying about all the stresses of everyday life. I'm behind on everything right now: school, tax return, job searching, maintaining relationships (romantic, platonic, and familial), all the countless people calling me everyday looking for the money I owe them, blah, blah, blah, whine, whine, whine, everybody pity me...

I promise my posts'll return to normal very soon. I'm so bloody emo right now it makes me want to spew.