Jesus Christ, why am I so fucked up lately? I'm still dwelling on the no friends, just drinking buddies observation. It's a realization I've come to many times over the years. It's my fault. I don't know how to make friends. I get drunk and talk about myself too much. When I'm drunk and trying to listen to the other person, I get distracted and I forget it all. I'm sure it comes across as me not caring at all. But it's not like that. It's just that I'm a social misfit. Why don't I have sober conversations with my friends, you ask. Because I only see them at bars and parties. I don't know what to do other than that, so I never make "sober" plans. Also, I absolutely HATE the telephone, so I'll never call anyone to hang-out. I also don't answer the phone, at least until I hear your voice on the answering machine, and that makes people not want to call me.

I miss everyone.

I think I should be committed. Sometimes I think things would be a lot better that way. Doing my own thing, doped up in a hospital, not worrying about all the stresses of everyday life. I'm behind on everything right now: school, tax return, job searching, maintaining relationships (romantic, platonic, and familial), all the countless people calling me everyday looking for the money I owe them, blah, blah, blah, whine, whine, whine, everybody pity me...

I promise my posts'll return to normal very soon. I'm so bloody emo right now it makes me want to spew.