My snot froze on the way to the cafe. I'd almost forgotten how that felt, just like I forgot, the last time I posted, to mention how happy I was that it was snowing. The cold today sucks, but the nice weather was feeling increasingly creepy.

I'd also forgotten how hard it is for me to get a job, even though I'm always (one of) the best employees an employer could ever have. Stupid interviews. Judging people on things that don't matter rather than their capacity to do the job. So many things I'll never truly understand, but I have to accept as "the way it is."

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I watched Jerry Springer today and boy did it make me angry. The first guest was a man who had become a woman and then later decided that she didn't want her legs anymore, and cut them off, each on a different occasion, herself with a circular handsaw. Fucked? Yes. And I know that the Springer show isn't there to give these weirdos help, compassion, or understanding, but to make fun of them. But the part that made me mad was when her ex-wife and daughter were brought out. They proceeded to repeatedly yell at him for "ruining" their lives and being selfish. The ex kept asking, if he knew since his early teen years that he was a girl trapped in a boy's body, then why did he marry her? Why did he ruin her life? Did I mention that it was their first time seeing each other in 13 years? Then the daughter started in. If "he" (and the ex-family insisted on calling her [Sandra] by her male name, Wendell) wanted a relationship with her, then "he" would have to wear pants and a button-up shirt. They didn't even care that he was "crazy" enough to cut his own legs off, they were just pissed at his gender issues.

It infuriated me because really, in my eyes, they were clearly the ones being selfish. When asked, non-stop, how he could do that to his wife, Sandra explained that Wendell had been keeping it in the closet. He married his wife because he loved her, and he was trying to be the man he was "supposed" to be. He replied that he had hoped his wife would understand. They were supposed to love each other and be able to be honest with each other. I'm not denying that it would be a huge shock and it would be hard to swallow. But Sandra was finally being the self she had denied for so long. To ask her to put on pants and pretend to be Wendell in your presence is incredibly selfish.

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A life trapped behind a thick wall of glass
Smiling and laughing and kissing your ass
What did I do? Why won't you call?
I'm beginning to think we weren't friends at all.
Sick of pretending to be something I'm not.
Don't be afraid. It can't be caught.

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Last year, I wrote a long recap of a couple of weekends. The recap included a sarcastic reply to a so-called friend and pictures of me receiving my first organ.