Why does it bother me so much? I easily rationalized my Independence Day freakout. I'm happy for you. So what's my problem? Am I jealous to see someone else snuggling up to you, even though I'm fine with being on the other side of the room? No, I don't think so. I've smiled and felt genuine happiness to see you flirting before. Am I jealous because it's more than flirting? That it's maybe something real and I haven't even found anything fake? Maybe. Or maybe that it happened so fast and that makes me feel like so many of the things you said weren't true because how could they have been? Or maybe it has something to do with how you treat the people around you when you have a new interest, like how I almost ruined that band of yours. As if anyone has to question where our drink tickets went.

But look at me being me. Causing a scene on the internet, putting our ability to remain friends at risk. I am sorry, however I have to get this poison out. And, well, I don't even know what happened to most of my stuff that should be at your place or your parents' place, but I don't know, you won't look for me. Since we hardly talk, I have to do what I do.

It's okay, I'm okay.

I have interests of my own. And I will never again be foolish enough to rush into things like I have before. No, things are starting to go well for me that way, slowly but surely.

edit: Last year I was in a much worse place than I am now.