Why is it that my paycheque always comes on Tuesday except when I actually really need it? So, instead of cashing it, eating out, paying some debts, and hanging with Charles, I'm sitting here moping; trying to get motivated enough to cook some rice and frozen vegetables. Will something please go right for once?

On a brighter note, I'm not as concerned about my recent blackout now. I was worried because it's a scary symptom of something that could be major. A scary symptom I haven't really had as much recently. Sure, I still get way too drunk when I drink, but I had been waking up with most of my memories intact, though maybe a few of them foggy. I was terrified to wake up in my bed having no idea how I got there. It's been awhile since I've lost that much time. I'm not as worried now because I know it's normal to be unable to recall events leading up to and following a head injury, and I certainly had one of those. I do remember things from inside. It gets clouded closer to the fall, comes back for a vivid recollection of the fall itself, and disappears completely until I wake up the next morning. I woke up in the morning feeling I had dreamt that I had a smashed my glasses in half. They were close to destroyed, but I can make due until I can save up for new ones. I've wanted new ones for a long time anyway.

I was drunk and it had been raining. I slipped on the stairs and my raincoat doubled as a crazy carpet. "Are you ok?!" "Are you okay!?" Yeah, I'm fine, let's just go home. We got in the cab.

I didn't realize on Sunday while I was lying around smiling/wincing and whining about the pain in my wrist. I thought the headache was just a normal part of the hangover. But hours past, and I slept so much, and it still hurt. I ate, I had a bunch of water, but still, it hurt (it still does now a bit, but that's probably hunger). Talking with Emily later that night, I reached up to scratch an itch. That is when I discovered the dry, crusty blood in my hair.

Head injuries are not uncommon in my life, I was very young when laughter became my normal reaction, but blood in my hair is rare. Oh well, I wasn't going to go find a doctor then. It was late. I had to get up in the morning for work. I wasn't too worried. I know the cycle. I only worry when things don't progress as they normally do after a bump on the noggin. I found myself having to get up from my desk to go cry yesterday. That's normal too, and add to that my nicotine withdrawal and I still wasn't worried.

"How's your head at work?" KC was concerned because he could tell at practice last night that I was still dazed.

People have told me I should see a doctor, and I would insist a friend gets themselves checked out in a similar situation.

I probably should've. But I know the drill. It's getting better, slowly but surely.

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I can't believe it's been a year already.