The Universe was smiling down on me today. I hate saying that kind of corny, flaky stuff in a way that in any way implies I believe in any of it. But those who know me really well, who have seen more than a glimpse of what's inside, know I that really kinda sorta do believe. In something. I'm just not willing to get behind any particular theory of what that something is.

Today was a beautiful day. I sit next to a window at work. I get to look out over the parking complex, the traffic, the Walmart and Sobey's across the street. I also get to see the weather. On days like today, it's much nicer than sitting in some dungeon office somewhere. But on gloomy days, well, on those days I tend to come home sad.

But back to today. I got to enjoy the sunshine, both through the window and by walking
around outside.

I was very close to finishing what I was working on as lunch approached. I thought to myself I'd just finish this district and then I'd go. Suddenly I felt like I should go now. By leaving exactly when I did, I got to bump into one of the people I really, really miss from Bedford. I don't mean that to sound nasty. It's not like I had problems with everyone else in the town. I just mean he was someone I felt was more of a real friend. He was shopping for his son's birthday. I smiled, genuinely, when he said he couldn't come to the next party at my house because that is the birthday weekend, but otherwise, he would come regardless of the fact that he wouldn't really know anybody.

Then, just as it looked like we were catching up on the things that sick days had made us fall behind on, we noticed something that would be a big problem down the line. Something with the upgrade didn't go properly. But I feel weird. I don't like talking about work online. Anyway. I saved the day, and that felt nice.

But the real reason the Universe was looking after me: After deciding to walk down Chebucto to the house my corner is on instead of North Street past the liquor store, and deciding a little bit later not to stop at Charlie's, I did give in to the craving to get some beer. Just a tall can for practice, I told myself. Except once I got to the store, I bought two. So how was I protected in this moment of weakness? both of them spilled at the jam spot. I had less than one in total, probably (until I came home and bummed one off of a roommate because the spilled ones had put a taste in my mouth and the spilling itself was so disappointing).

Alcoholism is disgusting. It's only been a couple days, and I had to.

Anyway, things have been getting better, slowly, in other areas. I smile more. I have actually cooked myself a meal. Not just boiling pasta and opening a jar of sauce (maybe chopping in some vegetables), not KD or soup, or something frozen. But my little triumphs are boring to you, even if they say a lot to me.

I don't really want to link to what I said three years ago because what was on my mind was something old an something I'd never be able to put into words. Let's just say, my mother and i have some crazy conversations sometimes.