Ah, home sweet homeless.

That's not true. I have a home. And it's great to be back. But it's weird.

After months of spending all my time in a van with the same three people, playing shows and attending parties with people I not only don't have to see the next day, but I will probably not see for a long time, and sleeping in a room with the same one to four people every night, it's quite jarring to try to get back some semblance of normal life. I need to find a job again. I need to sort out my finances and start paying back debts, including the student loans whose interest relief periods have finally expired. I need to settle into my little room and learn how to take care of myself.

In truth, however, I am very very excited for what is to come. I like my house and the people in it and, although I sometimes believe everyone is only pretending to like me, I am confident that I'll get along well with those girls. What I'm really excited for is organizing my bedroom. You wouldn't know it with the way I sat around doing nothing yesterday and then went over to KC's place, but I am (waking up on a couch wasn't weird, but being the only person in the room was. I needed to visit him).

I've never really had my own room. At least, not since becoming a grown-up. I was still in High School when my previous boyfriend moved in with my mother and I. The only chance I've had to manage my own space since then was the time I spent at my in-laws' house, but that wasn't really my room since it had their furniture in it and most of my belongings were in storage. It's a challenging room to organize. It's tiny. But I like that. Find a place for everything and I can stayed neat. I'm sure looking back to all the domiciles KC and I have had over the years it sound unbelievable that I can keep things clean, but I really can. KC's got a great little pad. It'll be nice when he gets some of his stuff from his parents and I send over some of 'our' stuff that doesn't fit at Crooked House.

It's a strange thing to tell people that a year and a half after getting married we live in separate apartments, but we're not separated. I know it's not orthodox, but we have never been too into following society's rules just because it's the thing to do. Neither of us have lived on our own and living together was becoming too taxing. This is simply something we need to do. And it's great. I'm really happy and optimistic about it. I am also nervous and scared but that's just because for a long time I've been a shadow of a human and it's terrifying to think of doing things on my own instead of simply following.

This is the dawning of a new era.

I don't remember what I wanted to talk about three years ago, but the searching feeling I was expressing still often exists (except I've learned that I can tell my deepest AND darkest to my wonderful man) and then I went to a wedding.