You won't believe what happened to me yesterday. Well, maybe you would. Maybe it's more common than I think, but I'd never heard of it. And no, I'm not talking about female ejaculation. That first happened to me years upon years ago.
I scratched my left eyeball with a toenail. That almost sounds kinky. It conjures up (if your mind is as dirty as mine) images of me twisted in all sorts of positions. Does it help clarify if I tell you it was my own toenail? That makes it even dirtier.
But, I assure you, it happened innocently.
I don't like long nails. I don't like when the white starts to show. I bite my fingernails, but biting my toes is gross, so I snip them. I cut my toenails at least once a week; about half as often as I bite my fingernails. I've never been able to manage nail clippers, so I use scissors. In yesterday's case, they were big staysharp kitchen shears, that hadn't been returned to their sharpening case for years. When I snipped the nail on my third or fourth toe, it came flying towards me instead of somewhere else in the room. I reacted, but not in time. When I blinked, my eyelid closed over the flying toenail, sucking it into my eye.
I immediately panicked (but only in my head). I kept thinking of that commercial where the boy gets dirt in his eye and his friend tells him not to rub it, it'll scratch. Flush it out with water and have a doctor examine it for scratches on your cornea. Oh no! My cornea. It's like having a pharmacist for your best friend. I just have my eye closed, letting it water hoping it will help the nail come out, when KC tells me to try to rinse it out with water. So, I go to the bathroom and splash a couple of handfuls of water in my eye. Now that it's wet, I can move it a bit without it hurting so much. I pulled down my bottom eyelid and there it was. A little half-moon cupping the eyeball. I went at it with my index finger. My first attempt didn't get it, but it got my finger gooey. The second attempt worked. I plucked it out like when you wet your finger to pick up some ashes that missed the ashtray. It felt gooey and scratchy for the next few days and all I could think of was my cornea. I hope it doesn't turn into an infection.
Two years ago, I was depressed.
I scratched my left eyeball with a toenail. That almost sounds kinky. It conjures up (if your mind is as dirty as mine) images of me twisted in all sorts of positions. Does it help clarify if I tell you it was my own toenail? That makes it even dirtier.
But, I assure you, it happened innocently.
I don't like long nails. I don't like when the white starts to show. I bite my fingernails, but biting my toes is gross, so I snip them. I cut my toenails at least once a week; about half as often as I bite my fingernails. I've never been able to manage nail clippers, so I use scissors. In yesterday's case, they were big staysharp kitchen shears, that hadn't been returned to their sharpening case for years. When I snipped the nail on my third or fourth toe, it came flying towards me instead of somewhere else in the room. I reacted, but not in time. When I blinked, my eyelid closed over the flying toenail, sucking it into my eye.
I immediately panicked (but only in my head). I kept thinking of that commercial where the boy gets dirt in his eye and his friend tells him not to rub it, it'll scratch. Flush it out with water and have a doctor examine it for scratches on your cornea. Oh no! My cornea. It's like having a pharmacist for your best friend. I just have my eye closed, letting it water hoping it will help the nail come out, when KC tells me to try to rinse it out with water. So, I go to the bathroom and splash a couple of handfuls of water in my eye. Now that it's wet, I can move it a bit without it hurting so much. I pulled down my bottom eyelid and there it was. A little half-moon cupping the eyeball. I went at it with my index finger. My first attempt didn't get it, but it got my finger gooey. The second attempt worked. I plucked it out like when you wet your finger to pick up some ashes that missed the ashtray. It felt gooey and scratchy for the next few days and all I could think of was my cornea. I hope it doesn't turn into an infection.
Two years ago, I was depressed.
posted by crystal at
10:27 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home