I need to make some serious changes in my life. Please don't think I'm that naive that I just realized this. In fact, I've been avoiding it for quite some time. Denial is just so much easier, and more fun. But I can't go on like this. Most people in my situation keep going until they hit rock bottom. The thing is, I really, really, don't want to hit rock bottom. Now, that is what I should be avoiding. It's time to face the facts, I am too tiny to drink 10+ beer in one sitting. I thought the water in between beers would help, and it did. But Jesus, what happened to my mind? I'm tired of always being tired, not remembering half my life, and, quite simply, I am absolutely fed up with hurting all the time. My brain hurts, my emotions are fucked...

But I'm so thirsty.