Something about blogging has lost it's appeal to me. I still like it, I'm still interested in it, I just seem to have better things to do with my time lately (lie). I'm having a hard time these days, but I don't feel like going into it for a few reasons. I don't want to be a whiny little crybaby, and I think (know) there are many people out there having harder times than I. My problems are all in my head. Or, maybe they're not, but I can't decide on the root cause yet. I think it's one thing, but then it turns out that's just my mood that day, and maybe it's this instead of that. I've been contemplating options. I don't want to make the wrong choice, so I just keep up the status quo. Sometimes I think, perhaps, I should be back on Celexa. The problems I had when on it were caused by mixing it with alcohol. Then again, maybe I shoud just stop bombarding my body with depressants.
It's just the money. I hate not having money to pay my bills, or go to a 3 dollar show at the Khyber (well, I have 3 dollars put aside for that)...
Anyway, it's that time of year for reflection. Truthfully, I've been doing it too much for months. I need to stop dwelling on things.
New Year's Eve was a good time. I didn't have any plans until that day, and it fell together perfectly. Dinner with the other half of that couples band. An attempt to practice a bit. I don't mind that they rent the place out for private parties (what would I do if I did mind, anyway?), I want to have part of my wedding there, but I wish they'd at least tell us. At least the walk from Mr. and Mrs. Smith's place wasn't that far, but to get down there and be told to leave...So, we went up to the Agricola Girls' house. I rang in 2006 with people I've known for a long time, and people I just met in 2005. They all were (or seemed like) good fellas. It was so nice to be able to move around the house and not be bumping into hundreds of people I don't know or don't like. This party animal is growing up. I didn't get wasted, and I can remember the whole night, with no regrets. [Okay, one. But I don't think I personally said much. But, I still feel bad about things I've done and said regarding a certain topic. I've been bothered by intentional meanness directed towards me and/or others I care about. I shouldn't be dishing out intentional meanness. I'll work on it. I don't have to like everybody, but I don't have to go out of my way to be mean to those I don't like.] Damien was in full character as he ran out into the street screaming at midnight and broke the same lamp twice. Nobody got kissed, or at least nobody got kissed at midnight. I like denying tradition.
Speaking of traditions, you're possibly wondering about my New Year's Resolutions. Well, the last one I made, I kept. I don't remember when, I think it was that big party on Armoury Place with KC's mohawk and my glue-spiked hair, I resolved to never make any more resolutions. I'm all for thinking about the last year and setting goals for next year, but I think it's really silly to say "starting tomorrow, I'm gonna be a different person. It's all gonna change. I'm gonna quit smoking, moderate my drinking, go to a gym, donate my excess belongings to charity, keep in touch with all the people I've neglected, be less selfish, learn more about my new synth, do more for my love, get organized, etc, etc, etc." Sure, those are all honourable things, and most of them are things I wouldn't mind accomplishing. But change doesn't happen over night. Because of that fact, many people fail in keeping their resolutions, and it turns into a joke. So yeah, I've set some goals. Things are slowly progressing towards them. Very slowly in some cases.
I heard some news the other day. You might have as well by now. It didn't surprise me. I was wondering when (and by whom) it would happen. Now I wonder what everyone else is gonna do.
My cousin Michelle just got engaged! I'm so happy for her. One reason for the engagement is that she's going to be a mommy soon. She's not pregnant yet. With her, um, disability, they really have to plan for it. But, most of my life, we thought she'd never be able to have kids. I always wished I could trade places with her as she's wanted children for a long time, and I never did until just the last year or so.
Two years ago, I my tailbone hurt from an old injury.
It's just the money. I hate not having money to pay my bills, or go to a 3 dollar show at the Khyber (well, I have 3 dollars put aside for that)...
Anyway, it's that time of year for reflection. Truthfully, I've been doing it too much for months. I need to stop dwelling on things.
New Year's Eve was a good time. I didn't have any plans until that day, and it fell together perfectly. Dinner with the other half of that couples band. An attempt to practice a bit. I don't mind that they rent the place out for private parties (what would I do if I did mind, anyway?), I want to have part of my wedding there, but I wish they'd at least tell us. At least the walk from Mr. and Mrs. Smith's place wasn't that far, but to get down there and be told to leave...So, we went up to the Agricola Girls' house. I rang in 2006 with people I've known for a long time, and people I just met in 2005. They all were (or seemed like) good fellas. It was so nice to be able to move around the house and not be bumping into hundreds of people I don't know or don't like. This party animal is growing up. I didn't get wasted, and I can remember the whole night, with no regrets. [Okay, one. But I don't think I personally said much. But, I still feel bad about things I've done and said regarding a certain topic. I've been bothered by intentional meanness directed towards me and/or others I care about. I shouldn't be dishing out intentional meanness. I'll work on it. I don't have to like everybody, but I don't have to go out of my way to be mean to those I don't like.] Damien was in full character as he ran out into the street screaming at midnight and broke the same lamp twice. Nobody got kissed, or at least nobody got kissed at midnight. I like denying tradition.
Speaking of traditions, you're possibly wondering about my New Year's Resolutions. Well, the last one I made, I kept. I don't remember when, I think it was that big party on Armoury Place with KC's mohawk and my glue-spiked hair, I resolved to never make any more resolutions. I'm all for thinking about the last year and setting goals for next year, but I think it's really silly to say "starting tomorrow, I'm gonna be a different person. It's all gonna change. I'm gonna quit smoking, moderate my drinking, go to a gym, donate my excess belongings to charity, keep in touch with all the people I've neglected, be less selfish, learn more about my new synth, do more for my love, get organized, etc, etc, etc." Sure, those are all honourable things, and most of them are things I wouldn't mind accomplishing. But change doesn't happen over night. Because of that fact, many people fail in keeping their resolutions, and it turns into a joke. So yeah, I've set some goals. Things are slowly progressing towards them. Very slowly in some cases.
I heard some news the other day. You might have as well by now. It didn't surprise me. I was wondering when (and by whom) it would happen. Now I wonder what everyone else is gonna do.
My cousin Michelle just got engaged! I'm so happy for her. One reason for the engagement is that she's going to be a mommy soon. She's not pregnant yet. With her, um, disability, they really have to plan for it. But, most of my life, we thought she'd never be able to have kids. I always wished I could trade places with her as she's wanted children for a long time, and I never did until just the last year or so.
Two years ago, I my tailbone hurt from an old injury.
posted by crystal at
1:33 pm
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