I'm going to a bar tonight. Probably a mistake, I know. It's too soon in my, ah, recovery, to be in such a tempting situation. But, I'm NOT going to miss this, and I'll have to get used to it. I never even came right out and decided to quit, but I've been getting so much support lately, it's seems like the right time. Who knows, someday I might do something I really regret. And so what if I do have a drink tonight? Everyone relapses. Ok, not everyone. But it's pretty fucking common. It's pretty much expected that someone with a true addiction will relapse at least once. But I'm not going in there expecting to, either. Take it as it comes. IF I give in, I vow to be disappointed in myself, without beating myself up. I also vow not to go outta control.

Tonight's the last Jamboree in Hell. Well, it might not be the last one, but it's being advertised as such, and there's no guarantee that there ever will be another one. The last Heelwalkin' Jamboree was big, and fun. Tonight should be bigger and funner. If it's not, I'll find someone to blame. After all, the original hosts and the new ones are both playing, as well as other good bands in the city. Tonight will not be your typical Tuesday, sitting and staring at a stage thinking, "wow, no wonder these guys play here so much. They probably can't get and real shows."

Day 3

-anxiety much worse
-my whole chest is tense, as are my shoulders and neck
-I could not sleep until 3:00 last night, got up at 7:45
-a few minutes ago, I felt like crying, for no reason
-now, I am irritated and cranky